After the War
by LadyKelanna
Summary: Kel comes back from fighting in the 5 year Scanran war for the first time in 5 years and finds she still has feelings for Neal after an unexpected twist with Dom and Yuki. Some fluff, so it is rated PG


Chapter One - Home Again  
  
Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan had to work to keep her face Yamani-smooth and free of emotion. She was finally home! Well, as much a home as someone who is always riding off to protect someone, chasing after bandits and Scanran raiding parties, was ever going to see. She rode through the palace yards, past where Lord Padraig of ha Minch was training the pages, and into the stableyard. Swiftly, she dismounted Peachblossom, her stubborn but lovable warhorse, and led him into the stables. She guided Peachblossom into his stall and automatically started unsaddling him, making sure to hang up his tack properly and brushing him quickly.  
" I'm going up to the palace, I'll come visit you later, all right, Peachblossom? " The horse snorted and nodded his head, as if in agreement to this plan. Kel strode out of the stables and up to the palace. One of her sparrows, Nari, lighted on Kel's shoulder and cheeped a welcome to her friend. " Hello Nari. Coming with me up to the palace? " Nari cheeped again and then flew off to join the rest of the flock, on the ledge of the windowsill to Kel's room. " I'll take that as a 'no' Nari. " said Kel, grinning as all of her miniature friends cheeped in reply to Kel's query.  
As Kel entered the palace, she had to stop and think about who to go and see first. Neal? No, he's probably busy working in the infirmary with Duke Baird. Maybe I should go and see Dom? But I don't even know if he's in Corus! I'd better go talk to Raoul and find out what has been going on since I've been up north, running camps and patrolling the Scanran border. I hope the King's Own hasn't decided to go on a trip, because otherwise I'm going to be pretty bored with no one to talk to. Especially if Dom's squad has been called out. Finally deciding to go and see Raoul, she headed off to the wing of the palace where Raoul lived while she was his squire. I hoped he hasn't moved out of his old rooms, since his marriage to Buri! She worried. After Neal had married Yukimi noh Daiomoru, a Yamani noble, Raoul and Commander Buriram Tourakom had also celebrated a marriage of their own.  
Kel finally reached her old quarters, and the rooms of her former knight-master, Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak. She knocked hesitantly on his door and called out. " Raoul? Are you in there? "  
" Kel? Kel, is that you? " Raoul's voice boomed out, even through the solid oak of the door. " Yessir, it's me. " Kel answered. " Kel come in! And don't call me 'sir'. It's Raoul! " She opened the door and stepped into his rooms, to be enveloped in a hug the moment she did so. She hugged her friend and former knight-master back and when he stepped back, she saw tears glistening in the corner of his eyes. For a moment she was speechless, until Raoul broke the silence that stretched between them " Kel, I haven't seen you in, Mithros, five years it's been now? " Yessi- er, um, I mean yes, I haven't seen you, or Dom or Neal in five long years. I've been kept busy with first the refugee camp, New Hope and then with patrols on the Scanran border for the last year and a half. How's the Own? Where's Commander Buri? " She asked, and then tacked on eagerly, " And Dom, is his squad in Corus? " She blushed when she realized too late that Raoul might realize that her eagerness to find Dom wasn't due just to the friendship they shared. Raoul looked at her quizzically as he replied " Buri's out with the seventeenth squad of the Queen's Riders and yes, Dom and his squad are in Corus." She ignored the question in his eyes as she asked, " Raoul I'm going to the mess to get dinner. Can you come with me? I'd like to talk with you, if you aren't busy." Kel referred to the dining hall, or ' mess ' as soldiers called it. " I'm sorry, Kel, I can't. I have a meeting with the king, Gary and Myles tonight. " Raoul replied sadly. " That's okay, I'll see you tomorrow then." She replied. " On the practice courts? " He inquired innocently. She grinned and said " Yes, of course. " She knew that meeting Raoul on the practice courts would probably result in a jousting match, which was fine with her. She loved jousting, even though whenever she used to joust against Raoul, her friends had jokingly called it her ' flying lessons ' because Raoul so frequently managed to pop her out of her saddle and into the air. " Okay, Kel, see you there tomorrow morning. " He replied, a grin painting his ruddy face; he knew what she had in mind, and he looked forward to tomorrow.  
Kel waved goodbye to Raoul, and walked back out into the hallway, towards the dining hall. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll see Dom when I get to the mess, she hoped, as she silently padded off.  
  
Chapter 2 - Love Can be Found " Dom! " Kel called as she pushed through the swinging oak doors " Are you in he- " suddenly she gasped in anguish. Dom sat at one of the many tables in the mess- kissing Camryn of Hollyrose - the new lady at court. Kel's eyes filled as she turned around and fled into the hallway. " Kel ! " Dom shouted after her. " Kel, come back! " Kel ignored him as she ran, the tears coursing silently down her cheeks.  
Suddenly something slammed into her. In her haste to get out of the mess she had run smack into Sir Nealan of Queenscove, her one-time crush and her best friend ever. " Great Mithros, Kel what's wrong? " Neal's worry was etched into every line of his face as he eyed his sobbing friend. He put his arm around her but she pulled away. "Kel, at least tell me what happened..." He pleaded. " Ask your cousin! He should know!" She started to walk away, but Neal caught her arm. " Kel, I'm your friend. You can trust me, you know that. Won't you please tell me what's wrong? " She shook her head, crying harder than ever now. What is wrong with me? The Yamanis would despise me if they saw me now... And I can't tell Neal, he just wouldn't understand. I can't believe... Dom is... I just can't take it! I've always liked Dom, so why shouldn't he like me back? Maybe because you never gave him any reason to think that you might be interested, whispered that sensible part in the back of her mind. Neal tugged her hand, and she followed him as he led her towards her room. " Kel, you and I need to talk. Now. " She just kept walking, the tears still trickling down her face.  
Neal opened the door to her room and drew her inside. As she collapsed on her bed, he shut the door behind himself and sat down next to her on the bed, taking hold of her hand as he tried to comfort her. " Neal, you..you shouldn't be....be here. " She hiccuped. " What will Yuki think? " " Yuki won't think anything, Kel. " He whispered, suddenly quiet. " Whwhat ddo you mean by that, Neal?" She stuttered, suddenly afraid. " Yuki won't think anything Kel, because Yukimi noh Daiomoru is dead. " He bit his lip and turned his head so she wouldn't see the tears that filled his eyes. Kel gasped and sat up, the tears that had been slowing slid down her face and landed on their clasped hands. " What do you mean...dead? What happened to her? " " She died, two years ago, giving birth to our, our daughter, Reia. But neither of them survived. The Black God stole them both from me, Kel. But God's Kel, why did I have to lose her? " His voice trembled as he turned his face towards her. His tears mingled with hers on their hands as he wept. " Neal, how horrible! I'm so, so sorry! " She pulled his head down onto her shoulder as she held her grieving friend.  
The next morning as Kel started to wake, and was surprised to find herself leaning against Neal's shoulder, her head cradled in the hollow of his collarbone. Neal was already awake and he blushed as she looked up at him. As the realization of Yuki's death really hit her, the tears started to flow down her cheeks again and Neal slid his arm about her, comforting her as he murmured, " shh, sweetling, shh it's all right sweetheart, it's all okay. " As she calmed herself, she started to think that, not only did she like Neal, as a friend, but she also liked him in a more-than-friendly way, too. As he hugged her around the shoulders, she also felt that maybe, just maybe, she and Neal had a chance at something more than friendship. She slowly sat up and turned to face him. Neal drew her against him, and gently kissed her lips. Then he hugged her once more and, as his cheeks turned a bright crimson, he said; " Kel, I don't know how you feel about me, but I know that I always have, and always will, love you." With that he stood up and walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind him, leaving Kel behind him on the bed. Kel sat there for some time, completely poleaxed.  
  
Chapter 3 - Troubled Riding Kel finally managed to collect herself enough to remember that she had a date with her former knight-master, Lord Raoul, on the practice courts this morning. As she rushed to dress she thought about just how much she had revealed about her inner, private, self to Neal. Yes, Neal was her best friend, but she still wished that she had kept face and stilled her emotions enough to escape from her questioning comrade. As she slid on the rest of her outer padded gear that was worn for jousting, she said a quick prayer to any listening Gods or Goddesses that she wouldn't run into Neal until she figured out what to do. Kel quietly slipped out of her room and, bolting the door behind her she made a beeline for the practice courts. Upon arriving on the outermost court, the one used for jousting, she saw that Raoul was already there. And he was chatting with Dom. Kel paled, but refused to turn and flee, like yesterday. Instead she walked slowly over to the two men calling " Good morning Raoul, Sergeant Domitan. " She acknowledged them with a curt nod, and sped off towards the stables. Behind her she heard Raoul excuse himself to Dom and as he followed her into the stables, she pretended that she didn't notice his presence right behind. She walked over to Peachblossom's stall to be met with a reproving glare. " What did I do now? " Then she realized. " Oops, sorry. I forgot to come see you last night. I was...um, preoccupied. " " And what with, may I ask? " Kel jumped. She had forgotten that Raoul was standing just behind her. " N-nothing, nothing at all. " She stuttered nervously, as she took Peachblossom's tack off of the hook and started to saddle him up. " That's not what Dom said. He said that you ran from the dining hall crying yesterday. Now that sounds absolutely nothing like what the Kel I know would do when faced with a difficult, um- situation. So why don't you tell me what's really bothering you? " Kel made a face as she thought, all of my friends know me way too well! " Well, then he must be mistaken. Maybe it was someone else? " though she knew all to well that this weak excuse was not going to fool him. " Kel, be reasonable. Just how many how many 5 foot 11 inches tall girls do you see running around the palace with the crest of Mindelan stamped on their clothing? Dom said that you were looking for him in the mess when you walked in and found him and Camryn kissing. " As Raoul's normally ruddy cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red, Kel tried to think of what to say. She couldn't tell Raoul that it broke her heart to see Dom kissing another girl. And she definitely couldn't tell him about what had happened last night with Neal. So she simply replied. " Well, when I saw that Dom was....busy, I decided to leave and talk to him later. But my eyes were tearing up because I had an allergic reaction to the- um, dust in the uh, hallway. So I obviously couldn't stay. " Kel felt bad about fibbing to Raoul, but there was just no way she could tell him the truth. Raoul raised a skeptical eyebrow and sighed as he finally said " Alright Kel, but I wish you would trust me. Oh, I almost forgot. Alanna said that after we finished practicing that I was to tell you that she'd like to talk to you. You know where her rooms are, right? " " Yes. So, do you want to get started or what? " Raoul grinned slowly and replied with wicked humor " Yeah, I'm ready. I just can't wait for our flying lessons to begin. " Kel scowled at his back as he strode over to Drum's stall, three stall's over from Peachblossom's, and started saddling up. Kel, finished with the tack, led Peachblossom out of the stall and into the practice yard, over to the mounting block. She skillfully mounted up, and, ignoring the people that ringed the court she grabbed her lance and trotted Peachblossom over to the start line. She was used to having a crowd of onlookers, as her being The Girl usually meant that people were inclined to stop and watch her practicing. As this had been happening since her first time on a practice court as a page, it was nothing new or surprising. Kel stopped Peachblossom at the line and worked to clear her mind. It would do no good to joust with a troubled mind and heart. It would just distract her. She visualized herself as an azure blue lake on a windless day, calm, cool and serene. She felt each of her muscles relax as the tension drained off of them. Then it was time. Raoul rode out to his start line, opposite her on the court, and called out " Ready Kel? " Kel nodded and started to set herself for the first run. " Alright then. Ready, set, charge! " Raoul yelled, as he urged Drum forward. Kel whispered in Peachblossom's ear " Charge! " and as Peachblossom surged forward, she focused her lance point on Raoul's jumping shield, trying to see the target in her minds eye, to focus all of her muscles on that one point. As they passed each other, Kel's lance slammed into Raoul's shield, and instead of sliding past or even shattering like she expected it would, it held in a gripping manner the bottom of his shield locked with her lance, and so when Peachblossom's momentum carried Kel and her lance forward, it forced Raoul back and over his saddle, flying off of Drum and thudding heavily as he hit the ground.  
Kel stopped Peachblossom, and with a dazed sigh she slid off of the strawberry gelding to run to her former knight-master. " Raoul! Oh, Mithros, Goddess please be okay. Raoul, are you alright? " She asked anxiously, hoping, praying that she hadn't hurt him. Raoul rolled over onto his back, and with a groan he sat up. " Well, Kel, the only way that I can think of to save my reputation, is that I must've taught you better than I thought I did. " Kel stood and offered her hand to her friend, and as he clasped it, she pulled him up with a heave. When he was finally standing, he clapped a hand to Kel's back and they turned to face the astonished crowd of people that surrounded the yard like the overbearing walls of a fort. " Raoul, all I have to say is, you must be getting old, as are we all. Kel, nice job. " Alanna the Lioness, hero in all the lands that she'd ever set foot in, strode over, grinning at the two. " Thank you, Alanna. " Kel whispered, not at all happy with herself, even though she had just knocked the legendary Goldenlake the Giantkiller out of the saddle. She blinked her eyes and gritted her teeth, thinking What is the matter with me? I can't seem to get a hold of my feelings these days! I really, really hope that I get back to my room's before I break down and cry in front of both Alanna and Raoul. I had better figure out how to get out of here, and fast! "Well, Alanna, now you know that I'm human, though it still hasn't been proved that you are. Maybe you and Kel should have a go, try out her Griffin against the mighty lioness." Raoul grinned, teasing Alanna. "No thanks, I'd rather talk to her, than try her right now, if you don't mind, Raoul. And besides, I really don't think that two of the realm's most legendary knights should be beaten in one day, and by the same person at that. It might be demoralizing to the people." Alanna smiled innocently at the glowering Raoul, and slipping her arm around Kel's waist she started the long walk back up to the palace, towing Kel along and calling over her shoulder " We'll see you at dinner Raoul! And don't worry, I'll bring back our friend Kel here in one piece."  
"Okay Kel, first things first. What happened when you saw Camryn and Dom in the dining hall the other day? And I would like the truth, mind you, not some fib like I know you must've fed Raoul to get him off your back." Alanna sounded solemn, and Kel knew that it wouldn't do to just try and fob her off. With a sigh, Kel said, "Alanna, could it wait? I mean, maybe we could go talk in my rooms or something. But I'd really rather talk about it somewhere where Nea- um, where we can't be overheard. " She grimaced at her carelessness in almost saying Neal's name aloud. " Alright, but I'm taking you to my room's. Daine's waiting there for us. I told her that I'd bring you along after your joust." Alanna replied, looking sideways at Kel's flushed and embarrassed face, and grinning inwardly when she realized that something must be going on between Kel and Neal, her former squire. They trudged up the grassy hill together, walking first through the massive entry hallway, and then towards Alanna's rooms. Kel's insides writhed inside of her when she realized that as soon as she sat down in the presence of two of her closest female friends, she would be spilling her guts to both of the women, and both of them would find out about her newly revived crush on Neal, and about her disastrous run in the dining hall with Dom. She wasn't looking forward to it, but now she had no time left to stall, as she and Alanna and finally reached the Lioness's room.  
Alanna touched the lock on the door and whispered a word that sounded like "Unrelashio! " and the bright purple of her gift flared around the door, and with a push, Alanna shoved through the doorway, into her room's with Kel right behind her. Daine the Wildmage, who was sitting on Alanna's bed, patted the empty space next to her, indicating that Kel should sit down. "Kel! It's good to finally see you again!" Kel woodenly walked over and sat down, tears starting to slowly and silently flood down her cheeks and onto her padded clothing, just because she had started thinking about how Dom would never be her's now, and about how Neal would probably never love her. Daine and Alanna shot each other knowing looks, and Alanna gently shut the door behind them. Daine embraced the weeping Kel, and Alanna joined them, sitting on the other side of Kel. All three of them leaned back against the wall and Kel continued to sit there silently, feeling the tears trickle slowly down her face, but was comforted by the fact that she was going to be able to talk to her two friends about what was going on. Kel rested against the wall, and as she thought about how she was finally home and reunited with her friends, the tears started to slow, and finally stopped altogether. Kel sniffed and wiped her red and puffy eyes on her sleeve, just wanting to talk with Daine and Alanna, and then to go to her rooms and be alone.  
" Now, youngling. The truth, please, about whats been going on with you and Dom. " Alanna asked, her voice firm but comforting all the same. "And Neal." she tacked on shrewdly. Kel sighed and started to talk. " Well, ever since I was a second year page, I've really liked Neal. And maybe just a little bit more than liked. But I never told him, of course. And then, when we became squires, and Neal went off with you, Alanna, I lost something. I lost, at least for a little while, my best friend, the one who always made me laugh, always knew how to cheer me up. But then I met Dom, who looked so much like Neal, acted like him and even treated me just like Neal would've. I thought I was in love, I thought that I could never love anybody as much as Dom, and that even Neal couldn't take his place. Except for the slight problem that I left four years from the day I met him to go back and face the Ordeal,and earn my shield, so I was unable to see him very much after that, as the crown had different plans as to where I would be spending my time serving the Realm. So I've been gone for five years, with no Dom and no Neal. And then when I get back, and can't wait to talk to Dom, to finally tell him of my love for him so I go to find him, so we can talk. But when I finally found him, he...he was k..kissing Camryn o..of H..Hollyrose. And so I ran. Ran and c..cried. But unfortunately, I ran into Neal on my way back to my rooms. And he, of course was not going to just let me run off without figuring out what was wrong. So we went to my rooms, where he didn't find out about me and what happened with Dom. But instead I found out about Y...Yuki. And he held me, and told me how he loves me. And I love him too, I always have and I always will. But I'm really afraid to tell him about what happened with Dom, because I'm afraid that he might think that I don't really love him. A..and I don't know what to do, and I'm so confused. All I want to really do is sleep. Sleep and not think about anything, about Neal, or Dom or about knocking poor Raoul out of the saddle.... " Kel's voice faded out and the tears that had shamefully started up again when she talked about Neal and Dom kept falling.  
Daine slipped her arm around Kel's shoulders and hugged the younger woman to her side, saying " Kel, it's not your fault, and it's not Dom's either. He didn't know that you liked him, so how was he to do anything? And poor Neal, after what happened to Yuki, gods rest her, I thought he might come to you. You two have always been so close that it would only be natural that he look to you for comfort and for love. But you can't blame Dom for kissing Camryn, he had no idea that it would hurt you. And as for Raoul, don't feel bad about him! Goddess knows he had to take a tumble sometime. And it's only justice that you should be the one to knock him from the saddle! I mean, after all of those flying lessons he gave you, you certainly had to return the favor sometime. It's only polite, you know. " Daine's last remark startled a small smile out of Kel, even though it was somewhat watery one. " About Dom, youngling, you should just stay friends with him. Yes, it hurts to see him and Camryn together, but if they love each other, that's the way it'll have to be. And I certainly don't see anything wrong at all with my good friend Nealan of Queenscove. So what of it? Are you going to face Dom and talk to Neal? Its best to get it done sooner rather than later, Kel." Kel nodded, and replied " Yes, I know I'll have to face both of them eventually but I'd rather not think about that right know. It hurts to much just this moment. " " Alright. I think you'd best get some sleep. And meanwhile, I want to go talk with Neal." Kel sat bolt upright at this. " You wouldn't tell him, would you? Please don't, I'd rather talk to him myself later..." Kel asked worridly. " I won't don't worry. But I do want to talk to him about...other matters." "Alright, bye then I'm off to bed. Daine, Alanna?" "Yes Kel?"chorused the two friends "Thanks. " And with that, Kel slid off of the bed and walked quickly over to the door. Opening it she slipped out into the hallway and headed off towards her rooms.  
  
Chapter Three - Discussions of the Heart  
  
Daine and Alanna continued to sit in Alanna's rooms and talk after Kel left. "Alanna, what 'other matters' are you planning to talk about with Neal? Kel will not be happy if you go telling Neal all she told us." Daine asked the lady knight, as she walked over towards the sparrow that perched on Alanna's windowsill. " Well, I'm not going to tell him what she told us, exactly. More of an edited version. And I have other matters that worry me about her." "Like what?" "Her heart. Oh, I know, she's the stoic Yamani warrior, shows no pain and no fear. But we've just seen that she isn't unfeeling. She just hides it very well when she does get hurt." "Alanna, we've always known that! And what about her heart?" "If she never shares her feelings with anyone, then how is she going to share her heart with a lover? Goddess knows I was afraid of letting anyone get close to my heart. You were lucky Daine. You never had to hide your feelings or keep them covered up. Kel does and I did. Now I have George, but I'm worried for Kel. She's still alone. At least you and I have Numair and George. But she doesn't have anyone to go to. I hope it works out with Neal, because Kel sure needs him."  
  
Kel trudged back to her room wondering, what am I doing? I can't believe that not only Alanna and Daine know all about what I've been feeling and thinking, but so does Raoul, and I bet you Neal will soon, too. Great. There goes my Yamani pride. Kel reached into her belt purse and withdrew the iron key that she'd kept since she was a squire. Her rooms still adjoined Raoul's. Hopefully, Raoul isn't going to come talk to me. she thought as she turned the key and waked into her old room. 


End file.
